I think the opening image you chose was very perfect. It really sets the tone of the ball, and the fact that this was from a time in the past. Your introduction was great! It really reeled me in. I'm excited to hear the stories of all the princesses. I think having a ball to bring all of the princesses together was a perfect idea. I really like how this story is going so far.
For the story Princess Labam, on the third paragraph you wrote, "so I tired to find sometime.." I think you meant to write, "so I tried to find some time..." On the fourth paragraph, it says she realized a way to get on the roof. I wish it would go into detail about how exactly she found a way to get on the roof, especially since she's under watch constantly. I also wish you would go into depth about what the impossible tasks are. I'm a curious person, so I want to know. :) Overall, your story was great! I look forward to reading the stories of the other princesses!
Meghan- Your introduction was great. It made me very excited to read the rest of your stories. I do wish their was more descriptions and details on the room the ball was being held in as well as the people their. I feel as though there is a lot of room for intricate details. You could really bring the reader into the ball by being more descriptive. Other than that your introduction was great. There were a few spelling and grammar errors but nothing a quick read through could not fix. The layout of your site was lovely. It was very fitting for your princess like theme. The pink motifs next to the page links were my favorite. The font color against the background was a good choice; the font stands out and is easy to read. You did a really great job. I cannot wait to read more of your stories. Keep up the good work!
First off and totally random, but this is my first time to your site and i love the coffee image in your background. Okay back to your storybook...
My first thought off the bat while reading this was that it reminded me of Cinderella. Obviously it's very different, but the idea of royals all dressed in their best for the ball just sparked an image from Cinderella.
Your introduction was sweet and easy to read and then left me wanting to quickly read you next story so I could know how Princess Labam met her husband! I love a good cliff hanger!
Okay oh how I wish the perfect suitor could just show up at my door! I think i live in a fantasy thinking that will actually happen but how lucky for Labam that it did. Loved your story, can't wait to hear what happens to princess rachel!
First of all, I would just like to say that you chose the most beautiful image to put on your title page. I saw it and just stared at it for a while. Art like that always makes me so happy! Anyway, I then noticed your title and realized that the image you chose was even more perfect. Everything on the title page of your Storybook fits together seamlessly!
Your introduction was very nice as well! I like the color you chose for your writing, and I think it ties in nicely with the image you chose for that page. Your paragraphs were broken up in good spots and made the reading experience that much easier. Your writing style is also very nice! It was easy to read, and I felt a little excited about the ball too! Your descriptions added just the right touch without being too descriptive, and I think it flowed really well! Great job!
I enjoyed reading this post and thought the graphic design of your storybook was very appealing. The cover photo does a nice job of setting the tone for the ball, and I appreciated how you decided to break up the stories into narratives of individual princesses. It's an interesting way to guide the storybook and very functional, I think.
The one critique I have of the introduction is that it seemed to use a lot of exclamation points. Fewer exclamation points would just allow you to introduce really excited statements without muddling them with the rest of the exclamatory sentences.
Also, I noticed that in the first story, there is not much dialogue. I felt as though I was reading a journal entry, but at the same time, the description of the surroundings wasn't too detailed. I would've liked to have learn more about what the day looked like, what the castle entailed, and other such sensory details.
I did like how you used the father as the source of the princess's reclusive nature; that was a clever touch, and a very believable one, at that.
Hey, Meghan! Your storybook is fabulous. The introduction had so much detail and I really enjoy the idea of the giant hall being a part of a “great reveal.” I did find one typo, however. At the end of the second paragraph, it says “no one really remembered why it hd been….” Rather than “had.” The transition into the individual stories was smooth and very realistic. For the first story, since a princess is talking, there should probably be quotation marks, but I understand since the whole story is her talking, that might be too much – just thought I’d throw that out there. There’s a typo in this story, too. There’s no period between the “finally I realized” sentence and “the first night” sentence. Anyways, I love the creativity of this story. I somewhat wish that I could have some sort of feedback from the other princesses on what they thought while she was telling the story, but it was still great! Wonderful storybook – keep up the hard work!
Meghan, I thought your introduction was excellent. It was very well written and provided a great sense of detail. I especially like how you started your introduction with, "the ball was here" (x3). This immediately drew my attention to the story. It kind of gave an "extra, extra, read all about it" feel to it. Also, the introduction provided a great transition to your following stories.
I thought your first story provided a great sense of detail. The moments where the princess is on the roof was very well described. Excellent job with the detail! There were a few spelling errors, such as at one point you said "men" instead of "me." But those are simple fixes. I thought the ending was great, but I feel it might have been rushed a small bit to where it was a little confusing. Maybe that was just me reading it quickly. Overall, I thought your story was great! Keep up the good work with the rest of your stories!
Wow! That first picture is so elegant and fitting for your story. I immediately had to inspect all the details of the painting before I started reading because I was so fascinated by it. The theme you chose for your storybook is spot on. It really fits the theme of your writings. The last sentence you used as a hanger was excellent. I wanted to keep reading to know how she found her husband!
One suggestion would be to mess around with the formatting so the third line doesn’t skip a line. This might be because of the placement of your picture, but it isn’t a huge deal. This was just the only thing I could find to critique! The way you placed the picture almost like it was in a magazine or newspaper was refreshing to see. I am going to try to do that in my next story for my storybook. I didn’t know this was an option actually. Haha. Great job!
Extra Credit: Hey Meghan, I like the design of your blog. I think the background picture (of I think that is coffee) makes your blog very cool and original. It also gives your blog a calm sense of reading and throws your personality into the mix. Everything on your blog is easy to navigate and allows you to find stories pretty quickly. Overall, good job with the blog.
Hey Meghan! I really enjoyed reading what you have in your storybook so far. The introduction was very well done. You did a great job of creating an atmosphere of excitement and light hearted fun. The image you chose was absolutely perfect. It really helps us envision this grand ballroom for the ball to take place in. I also think you chose a good placement for the image on the page. It gives us the visual right when we are reading about the ballroom.
I really like your transitions into the next stories. You give us just the slightest glimpse of who we are going to hear from next and it flows really well into the beginning of the next story. I really enjoyed your Princess Labam story. I thought it was great that you changed the story to tell it from the perspective of the princess instead of the prince. Reading the same story but from a different perspective can really give us a fresh new look at the story.
Hey! I love the way you opened this story – there is definitely an edge of mystery, but since it was explained, it is clear that it was intentional. I was confused with all of the strange royal titles and how you put “Kind (King?)” – was she questioning what he said or was that something you meant to correct? Anyways, I think it’s fun to think that she referenced a man Finn who was in fact a person she would later find. Maybe you could say that she had a feeling and she didn’t know why, but that that was the person she was meant to find? Perhaps just so it doesn’t seem like such a risk/coincidence. Later on, you did the “kind (?)” thing again and that confused me….Anyways, I really like the story overall and love the setting. Although I was somewhat confused, you did a wonderful job and I look forward to more of your stories. Keep up the great work!
I thought the theme you picked for your site was so fitting for the type of stories you were telling. I particularly liked the image you chose for your main greeting page, The Gathering of All. Your introduction gave a really nice overview of what to expect and what kinds of stories you planned on telling throughout the weeks. I also thought that the use of a blue font contrasted nicely from the background. Even though it was just a small change, it made your blog stand out from others just from that little change or adjustment. I liked the way you incorporated images into your story rather than at the end or the beginning. I particularly liked your story Princess Rachel. I thought the way you made your story more romantic was a nice change from the original story. Great job overall on your blog your stories.
I am definitely glad I was assigned to this group and was able to read your storybook. I thought it was an excellent read. You kept me entertained and motivated to continue reading. I really liked all the dialogue between the characters in your story. I like the theme of your storybook as well and also liked that it was about princesses. My daughters would go crazy to read stories about princesses. Lol I thought your picture choices fit perfectly with each story and your color choices were so soft and easy on the eyes. The pale colors made me think of the princesses outfits and their demure mannerisms. The light blue font was a very nice color for reading your stories. It was also quite unique too as I have not seen anyone else use a different color font besides black and white. I thought your writing style was excellent and I didn't see any grammar or spelling issues in your stories. Your characters were also very well developed. I enjoyed reading about each princess and their interactions. I really do hope that you aren't done with you storybook yet. I would look forward to coming back and reading more of your stories. Overall great job and good luck with the rest of this class and all your other classes!
Hi Meghan. First of all, I think your storybook idea is very creative. Having all of the princesses attend the ball is a good way to set up all of the stories that they tell to each other. I think you did a great job with the first story, as you gave plenty of details to describe Princess Labam and her father’s relationship and how he was so controlling. I thought it was a little odd that nobody could know the location of their country, but I have also never read the original story. I think the plot was interesting, but the story ended kind of abruptly. The story developed sort of slowly and then all of the sudden a man shows up and cuts down the tree and then the story ends, so I think you could have given a little bit more details towards the end. Overall, I think you did a good job though.
I think the opening image you chose was very perfect. It really sets the tone of the ball, and the fact that this was from a time in the past.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction was great! It really reeled me in. I'm excited to hear the stories of all the princesses. I think having a ball to bring all of the princesses together was a perfect idea. I really like how this story is going so far.
For the story Princess Labam, on the third paragraph you wrote, "so I tired to find sometime.." I think you meant to write, "so I tried to find some time..."
On the fourth paragraph, it says she realized a way to get on the roof. I wish it would go into detail about how exactly she found a way to get on the roof, especially since she's under watch constantly.
I also wish you would go into depth about what the impossible tasks are. I'm a curious person, so I want to know. :)
Overall, your story was great! I look forward to reading the stories of the other princesses!
Meghan- Your introduction was great. It made me very excited to read the rest of your stories. I do wish their was more descriptions and details on the room the ball was being held in as well as the people their. I feel as though there is a lot of room for intricate details. You could really bring the reader into the ball by being more descriptive. Other than that your introduction was great. There were a few spelling and grammar errors but nothing a quick read through could not fix. The layout of your site was lovely. It was very fitting for your princess like theme. The pink motifs next to the page links were my favorite. The font color against the background was a good choice; the font stands out and is easy to read. You did a really great job. I cannot wait to read more of your stories. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Meghan,
ReplyDeleteFirst off and totally random, but this is my first time to your site and i love the coffee image in your background. Okay back to your storybook...
My first thought off the bat while reading this was that it reminded me of Cinderella. Obviously it's very different, but the idea of royals all dressed in their best for the ball just sparked an image from Cinderella.
Your introduction was sweet and easy to read and then left me wanting to quickly read you next story so I could know how Princess Labam met her husband! I love a good cliff hanger!
Okay oh how I wish the perfect suitor could just show up at my door! I think i live in a fantasy thinking that will actually happen but how lucky for Labam that it did. Loved your story, can't wait to hear what happens to princess rachel!
Hey there, Meghan!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I would just like to say that you chose the most beautiful image to put on your title page. I saw it and just stared at it for a while. Art like that always makes me so happy! Anyway, I then noticed your title and realized that the image you chose was even more perfect. Everything on the title page of your Storybook fits together seamlessly!
Your introduction was very nice as well! I like the color you chose for your writing, and I think it ties in nicely with the image you chose for that page. Your paragraphs were broken up in good spots and made the reading experience that much easier. Your writing style is also very nice! It was easy to read, and I felt a little excited about the ball too! Your descriptions added just the right touch without being too descriptive, and I think it flowed really well! Great job!
Meghan,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this post and thought the graphic design of your storybook was very appealing. The cover photo does a nice job of setting the tone for the ball, and I appreciated how you decided to break up the stories into narratives of individual princesses. It's an interesting way to guide the storybook and very functional, I think.
The one critique I have of the introduction is that it seemed to use a lot of exclamation points. Fewer exclamation points would just allow you to introduce really excited statements without muddling them with the rest of the exclamatory sentences.
Also, I noticed that in the first story, there is not much dialogue. I felt as though I was reading a journal entry, but at the same time, the description of the surroundings wasn't too detailed. I would've liked to have learn more about what the day looked like, what the castle entailed, and other such sensory details.
I did like how you used the father as the source of the princess's reclusive nature; that was a clever touch, and a very believable one, at that.
Hey, Meghan! Your storybook is fabulous. The introduction had so much detail and I really enjoy the idea of the giant hall being a part of a “great reveal.” I did find one typo, however. At the end of the second paragraph, it says “no one really remembered why it hd been….” Rather than “had.” The transition into the individual stories was smooth and very realistic. For the first story, since a princess is talking, there should probably be quotation marks, but I understand since the whole story is her talking, that might be too much – just thought I’d throw that out there. There’s a typo in this story, too. There’s no period between the “finally I realized” sentence and “the first night” sentence. Anyways, I love the creativity of this story. I somewhat wish that I could have some sort of feedback from the other princesses on what they thought while she was telling the story, but it was still great! Wonderful storybook – keep up the hard work!
ReplyDeleteMeghan, I thought your introduction was excellent. It was very well written and provided a great sense of detail. I especially like how you started your introduction with, "the ball was here" (x3). This immediately drew my attention to the story. It kind of gave an "extra, extra, read all about it" feel to it. Also, the introduction provided a great transition to your following stories.
ReplyDeleteI thought your first story provided a great sense of detail. The moments where the princess is on the roof was very well described. Excellent job with the detail! There were a few spelling errors, such as at one point you said "men" instead of "me." But those are simple fixes. I thought the ending was great, but I feel it might have been rushed a small bit to where it was a little confusing. Maybe that was just me reading it quickly. Overall, I thought your story was great! Keep up the good work with the rest of your stories!
Wow! That first picture is so elegant and fitting for your story. I immediately had to inspect all the details of the painting before I started reading because I was so fascinated by it. The theme you chose for your storybook is spot on. It really fits the theme of your writings. The last sentence you used as a hanger was excellent. I wanted to keep reading to know how she found her husband!
ReplyDeleteOne suggestion would be to mess around with the formatting so the third line doesn’t skip a line. This might be because of the placement of your picture, but it isn’t a huge deal. This was just the only thing I could find to critique! The way you placed the picture almost like it was in a magazine or newspaper was refreshing to see. I am going to try to do that in my next story for my storybook. I didn’t know this was an option actually. Haha. Great job!
Extra Credit: Hey Meghan, I like the design of your blog. I think the background picture (of I think that is coffee) makes your blog very cool and original. It also gives your blog a calm sense of reading and throws your personality into the mix. Everything on your blog is easy to navigate and allows you to find stories pretty quickly. Overall, good job with the blog.
ReplyDeleteHey Meghan! I really enjoyed reading what you have in your storybook so far. The introduction was very well done. You did a great job of creating an atmosphere of excitement and light hearted fun. The image you chose was absolutely perfect. It really helps us envision this grand ballroom for the ball to take place in. I also think you chose a good placement for the image on the page. It gives us the visual right when we are reading about the ballroom.
ReplyDeleteI really like your transitions into the next stories. You give us just the slightest glimpse of who we are going to hear from next and it flows really well into the beginning of the next story. I really enjoyed your Princess Labam story. I thought it was great that you changed the story to tell it from the perspective of the princess instead of the prince. Reading the same story but from a different perspective can really give us a fresh new look at the story.
Hey! I love the way you opened this story – there is definitely an edge of mystery, but since it was explained, it is clear that it was intentional. I was confused with all of the strange royal titles and how you put “Kind (King?)” – was she questioning what he said or was that something you meant to correct? Anyways, I think it’s fun to think that she referenced a man Finn who was in fact a person she would later find. Maybe you could say that she had a feeling and she didn’t know why, but that that was the person she was meant to find? Perhaps just so it doesn’t seem like such a risk/coincidence. Later on, you did the “kind (?)” thing again and that confused me….Anyways, I really like the story overall and love the setting. Although I was somewhat confused, you did a wonderful job and I look forward to more of your stories. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteI thought the theme you picked for your site was so fitting for the type of stories you were telling. I particularly liked the image you chose for your main greeting page, The Gathering of All. Your introduction gave a really nice overview of what to expect and what kinds of stories you planned on telling throughout the weeks. I also thought that the use of a blue font contrasted nicely from the background. Even though it was just a small change, it made your blog stand out from others just from that little change or adjustment. I liked the way you incorporated images into your story rather than at the end or the beginning. I particularly liked your story Princess Rachel. I thought the way you made your story more romantic was a nice change from the original story. Great job overall on your blog your stories.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely glad I was assigned to this group and was able to read your storybook. I thought it was an excellent read. You kept me entertained and motivated to continue reading. I really liked all the dialogue between the characters in your story. I like the theme of your storybook as well and also liked that it was about princesses. My daughters would go crazy to read stories about princesses. Lol
ReplyDeleteI thought your picture choices fit perfectly with each story and your color choices were so soft and easy on the eyes. The pale colors made me think of the princesses outfits and their demure mannerisms. The light blue font was a very nice color for reading your stories. It was also quite unique too as I have not seen anyone else use a different color font besides black and white. I thought your writing style was excellent and I didn't see any grammar or spelling issues in your stories. Your characters were also very well developed. I enjoyed reading about each princess and their interactions.
I really do hope that you aren't done with you storybook yet. I would look forward to coming back and reading more of your stories. Overall great job and good luck with the rest of this class and all your other classes!
Hi Meghan. First of all, I think your storybook idea is very creative. Having all of the princesses attend the ball is a good way to set up all of the stories that they tell to each other. I think you did a great job with the first story, as you gave plenty of details to describe Princess Labam and her father’s relationship and how he was so controlling. I thought it was a little odd that nobody could know the location of their country, but I have also never read the original story. I think the plot was interesting, but the story ended kind of abruptly. The story developed sort of slowly and then all of the sudden a man shows up and cuts down the tree and then the story ends, so I think you could have given a little bit more details towards the end. Overall, I think you did a good job though.
ReplyDelete